When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
