Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
