I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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