I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you traded sex for a burrito?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
