The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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