I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
