you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
