Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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