He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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