It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
