Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
