their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
