i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
