Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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