I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
