but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
