Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
