so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
