she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
