you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He did a backflip because drugs
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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