My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
kristin has been a bad kristin
It was confusing and full of hummus
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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