I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
