Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she peed on how many people?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
