I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
