she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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