i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
