You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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