I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize