so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
