I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
