One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just puked most of my soul out..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
