dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
