I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
