Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
