He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
