Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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