Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
why is half of my head shaved?
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