i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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