I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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