lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize