It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
