i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
