if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
