I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
