I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
