that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
