I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
