I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
