Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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