People with herpes should wear stickers.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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