Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
