I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
