Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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