We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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