but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
