If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
