My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
