he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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