woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
