My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize