I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
