Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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