I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
