I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
