positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
